I was not expecting yesterday.
I ran into Al's friend and I felt the tension rising, it made me uncomfortable and I decided to do something about it, not for him, but for me. I can't say it didn't bother me that such person is actively ignoring me in a small group, so I approach her, I said hi and asked what's wrong and why she's acting that was. She was defensive and aggressive at first, she did not seem interested in the idea of speaking I me and how she shouldn't have to be "my friend" which I was offended by because that was not what I was looking for and it made me seem pathetic. That I was obsessed with her liking me and Al told her about all our fights in details, that I was gossiping about Al to her roommate and broke their friendship, and so on. I corrected her about specific situations, like her roommate who already did not like him at the time, that It's not gossip to vent to a friend, that I do feel rejection by how she acts around and that it hurts.
She gave me her points and I explained me, the tension went down and it was a real discussion, I ended up in tears when speaking about my ex and how it ended, I'm not proud of that. She admitted when she was wrong, apologized for how she made me feel, gave me praise for actually turning Al down when he wanted to see me and put myself first even though she admitted being angry over me taking a shot at her with my messages. She also acknowledged that it took strength for me to stand up to her, and that she felt guilty knowing that I'm under a lot of stress And she added do it and expressed concern over me hurting myself because of this - although id never do that for a boy - which meant a lot to me. We ended it on good terms and even had lunch with our friends.
It was interesting when she explained her points of view, how she felt about certain things and I did not feel offended my it.
I was surprised Al told her everything about us, especially that he had told me that he never talks to anyone about us. I was disappointed to trust that aspect of him for breaking my privacy.
I went home, and I was happy. I had my closure, even if Al never contacted me again, I was content, because I did it for me.
And then my phone rang, and she asked to meet for coffee. I cannot describe how much I respected her for doing that, we met and talked for about an hour and a half, and she even said she wants to help me with my family situation and guide me as she's been through the same, and that she might even gain a friend out of this.
I still can't believe that was the outcome. My idea of confrontation does not really include this sort of compassion, as people are usually too proud to listen and would try to win the argument.
I still think the crying triggered something in me and I still haven't recovered, I couldn't sleep, I'm a mess and I can't feel the reality surrounding me.
I ran into Al's friend and I felt the tension rising, it made me uncomfortable and I decided to do something about it, not for him, but for me. I can't say it didn't bother me that such person is actively ignoring me in a small group, so I approach her, I said hi and asked what's wrong and why she's acting that was. She was defensive and aggressive at first, she did not seem interested in the idea of speaking I me and how she shouldn't have to be "my friend" which I was offended by because that was not what I was looking for and it made me seem pathetic. That I was obsessed with her liking me and Al told her about all our fights in details, that I was gossiping about Al to her roommate and broke their friendship, and so on. I corrected her about specific situations, like her roommate who already did not like him at the time, that It's not gossip to vent to a friend, that I do feel rejection by how she acts around and that it hurts.
She gave me her points and I explained me, the tension went down and it was a real discussion, I ended up in tears when speaking about my ex and how it ended, I'm not proud of that. She admitted when she was wrong, apologized for how she made me feel, gave me praise for actually turning Al down when he wanted to see me and put myself first even though she admitted being angry over me taking a shot at her with my messages. She also acknowledged that it took strength for me to stand up to her, and that she felt guilty knowing that I'm under a lot of stress And she added do it and expressed concern over me hurting myself because of this - although id never do that for a boy - which meant a lot to me. We ended it on good terms and even had lunch with our friends.
It was interesting when she explained her points of view, how she felt about certain things and I did not feel offended my it.
I was surprised Al told her everything about us, especially that he had told me that he never talks to anyone about us. I was disappointed to trust that aspect of him for breaking my privacy.
I went home, and I was happy. I had my closure, even if Al never contacted me again, I was content, because I did it for me.
And then my phone rang, and she asked to meet for coffee. I cannot describe how much I respected her for doing that, we met and talked for about an hour and a half, and she even said she wants to help me with my family situation and guide me as she's been through the same, and that she might even gain a friend out of this.
I still can't believe that was the outcome. My idea of confrontation does not really include this sort of compassion, as people are usually too proud to listen and would try to win the argument.
I still think the crying triggered something in me and I still haven't recovered, I couldn't sleep, I'm a mess and I can't feel the reality surrounding me.
posted from Bloggeroid
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