11/1/14

My friend Faj came over yesterday and brought all the stuff my mom had bought me, she got a pretty expensive scarf and she told me that my mom seemed upset when she saw her about me and that fact that I didn't come this break. I had a lazy day where I didn't go to class or study, I just spent it with my friends. my mutual friends went out with Al and had a crazy night, sure it felt bad that I won't ever be included but Ab called me today and told me that I have to go out with them next week and our friend told me that they missed me there. So their sweetness is all I need.

I decided to finally call my mom, we haven't been talking ever since that day and she was at the supermarket with my brother, it was just general conversation and that she wants me to meet her in London to shop and hang out, it seems like she misses me, so I told her I'll work on my visa. She told me to thank Al for taking the stuff and she thought his mom was nice but she didn't read into it (thank god) and she has no idea that there ever was a thing between us, she even said his name wrong again, but I felt awkward and I told her she can thank him if she wants. She even thanked me for calling her, that made me feel bad. I have to set up a deadline to call my dad and start talking to him about this.

I didn't do much when it comes to studying today as well, I fixed up the house and hung out with friends, Ab and Hus came over and we chilled, I feel awkward knowing that Al told Hus that we broke up, him and I are close, but not that close. we might go to a movie today if I don't start studying, something's just not right, I can feel it inside of me, I'm not that upset about Al, I just don't like being excluded because of him. I had a dream last night about a random person and I had a dream about Mo, but nothing about Al. I really don't know how I feel about him anymore, maybe I'm in denial, maybe my feelings weren't that strong, maybe I am just growing up and understanding that people break up, and that's fine. I gave Ab Al's stuff and that felt alright.

I may not be ok, but everything's going to be alright.