I hate you

Next Saturday would've marked 3 weeks of not crying, all you had to do is tell me how much you care and how you're there to catch me when I fall with everything that's been going on. I didn't tell you anything about my family and my mother, I really don't think you're genuine, and this isn't my pride talking. But the tears started falling when I read that, They were 8 precious tears.

I hate you.
I hate how you make me feel.
I don't care about you, why did that make me cry?
I hate you.
I wish you didn't talk to me.
I want to strangle every single emotion I have for you.
I don't want to be miserable to enjoy your semi-affection, and then compete for it.
I hate how it meant a lot to me.
If you care that much about me, why do you hurt me over and over again?
I hate you.
Even writing this makes me teary, but not enough to cry.
I hate how vulnerable you make me feel.
Why do I care? His affection should mean nothing to me.
Maybe I'm just PMS-ing.
Maybe I'm just lonely.
Maybe it's because I think he's talking to me out of boredom.
Maybe he's just lonely.
I don't want to be an excuse out of loneliness.
I'm a person with real feelings.
Not here for entertainment.
Not entertainment.
Not entertainment.
Not Hidden.
Not hated by someone who doesn't know me.
Not entertainment.
I hate you so much.
stop being nice to me, it always fades away when your real friends are around.
I'm not a commodity.
I'm not a prize to gain then toss.
endless cycles of bullshit.
fucking bullshit.