I studied a lot yesterday as I waited for someone to give me work, got nothing. so i went home and i over-napped then studied one more lecture then read The Hunger Games, watched youtube and Vines then slept some more. and then Guess what? I skipped another day of this week, and I kept rationalising it when I snoozed a million times with 10-15minutes intervals how they're not gonna find out and I came up with a lie incase they do. It could've been a fast pace day at work, but I got discouraged by how little work I got last night that I didn't care, so here I am at 1:20pm in bed with no work, no studies done, which reminded me of Al, but not in the "Oh, I miss him" way, just genuinely remembered him in what he does around the course, the carelessness about attending. I guess I'm the same now, I really hope this doesn't turn into a pattern, I should attend tomorrow, although it's a weekend, and I should attend a whole week next time.
I should probably go to the gym and compensate for the past two days, I think I'll do two workouts today.
why am I still broke? :( our salary isn't in, yet. which means I shouldn't be going out tonight, plus Ab would want to drink and I don't think that would be a good idea, with the off-chance that Al might show up and I do get emotional, I've made it this far. And I haven't had a drink for 17 days, I'm not cutting out of my life, but there isn't much to celebrate. we were going to celebrate our salary, but that's out of the question, and I'm not using my parents money, even though they put money in my account, I don't want to use it out of the principal.
I think writing is grounding me in a way that I don't need to complain about all these little details to other people and let it drag along and I can just word vomit here then forget about it. Or am I forgetting about it? I can't say the situations related to the break up don't cross my mind, whether consciously or in my dreams. But the fact that I'm not arguing about it or crying about it (tomorrow marks two weeks of no tears - Yay, me!) shows how i'm not obsessive, I don't know if I never was obsessive but Al took a shot at me with that angle and made me doubt myself, or if I was only obsessive around him. Because I really don't feel like I'm thinking of certain situations for too long and getting enticed by them.
Kaw and I have been distant lately, we still try and talk on an almost daily basis. but she just talks about sex instead of her real problems, which i'm sure she's going through with her parents divorce hearing coming up, and I'm not that interested in talking about sex, even when I had someone to play with, I just thought it was a shallow thing to keep talking about over and over and over. I don't know how to redeem our situation, I hope we don't drift apart, well, we sorta are. but we've acknowledged it and are working on it.
I've been talking to a guy - Nas - lately, zero attraction, zero interest though. we've known each other since last summer, but he's been on my twitter since 2010. and it's merely a friendship, but it's still nice having someone to talk to about mundane things (work, studying, food, random jokes) so that I don't fill the emptiness with something damaging. It's nice using a healthy friendly outlet for your feelings, instead of lust. even though i'm not talking about my feelings to begin with. There isn't even an undertone of flintiness in our convos. I used to talk to him less when I was with Al, but now we're talking on a daily basis, about nothing. I wouldn't miss him if he was gone, I would do the same with any of my other friends. but I like that he doesn't know much about me, and I don't want him to know anything, so I wouldn't have a reason to complain as I would with other friends. But I do appreciate having this low case friendship around, to small talk every day. even if I hate small talk.
By the way, why do female comedians have to talk about sex in all their skits? I haven't seen a single comedian with just a normal skit. we have other things to talk about, you know?
2:40pm - still in bed, watched another horrible HIMYM, new season sucks. and now i'm watching New Girl where she's trying to figure out why her bf's friend doesn't want to be her friend, the irony.
I don't think i'm getting off my ass today, until I'm about to die from starvation of my friends are off duty.
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