I actually went to class yesterday, i left my phone at the door along with my runaway clock incase that doesn't work, left the house around 6:30 and arrived on time. I had a nice shirt and tight pants, and was feeling a bit nervous but trying to be optimistic. I talked to Bad about it the day before and he did say that this is a decision i need to be making on a daily basis, that yes i will get up. I ended up talking to the reg on my team to ask a few questions, nerdy but kinda cute and i could feel the "hot aura" that i was sending - even though i dont find myself attractive, but i know that i still am considered attractive, cause of his attitude - , he offered to help a lot, and was too kind, he even asked for my number incase i had to present, and sat me in a private room to teach me. it's nice getting attention. i kept making jokes about him falling for me all day to my friends. and to my surprise, he actually texted later on and asked me not to be formal with him, and that it's nice to meet someone like me. I had lunch with Bad and told him all about it, it really opened my eyes to certain thing.
I was settling, why is it that all the guys i dated aren't even that attractive? is it shallow? yes. but do you really think that if i was fat, these guys would've "loved" my personality? bullshit. I always go for personality, maybe Ah was the only one that i thought "oh wow" when I first met them, but Al and Mo were nowhere near me when it comes to looks, and I find a little insulting that they get to think that they can always get with hot girls when they were just lucky, as if there was something special about them. when the truth of the matter is, I always settle. why not wait for a full package? oh, he has a nice personality. why not someone that shares my same values of a healthy lifestyle? and why should i work out when they all have those beer belly's that aren't getting any smaller, and keep flaunting how good i look?
out of respect to myself and my body, i should not settle. there will always be guys that are interested, all i had to do today, is show up, and there was already one. I'm not saying i'm interested, but it's a good reminder, that all I have to do is wait.
I spent the rest of the day with Bad, he forced me to go out with him, we walked around town, went into a sex shop for laughs, then i took him to a desert place. he got so excited that he ordered not 1, not 2, but 4 deserts for us. and we just devoured all of it while laughing and sharing stupid family stories about table manners. we went back to his place and smoked a little with a few other friends, where i zoned out and watched a documentary about cults and made me think about the cult like features of Islam aswell.
Bad told me that Ab loves me and asked about me. I'm not sure how I should go from there.
I also got 2 early birthday gifts, a diamond necklace from mom and a perfume from my distant brother with a funny card that I appreciated.
As for today, I went to the hospital with Far to catch up, we had a good day at the hospital with the ER doctor who was hilarious and taught us how to insert IV's, and the nurse was adorable aswell, i stole some butter from the hospital kitchen and enjoyed my petty theft attempt, and told Far about my thug history and how fun stealing is - this is supposed to be a joke.. -. and when we got home we ended up devouring dinner and deserts like animals, and Far said she can never do this with a husband, so i told her she's found the one.. me. :)
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