20/3/14

Here's to another week where I only attended for one day. if he could just fuck off my life and stop texting, I'd have enough energy to attend. his texts themselves are a depressant, i keep getting angry, thinking how dare he text me after what he did to me? I left his money at college because I didn't want another reason for him to text me ever again. Whenever he texts it drains out all my energy and I don't have the ability to sleep at night. I just want him to disappear from my life. I'm even cutting out the "mutual" friends, that are more of his friends, rather than mine out of my life, to get some peace. I started with Ab, he hasn't been supportive lately, he probably didn't even talk to Al, like her said he would. And the fact that he wanted me to come to his friends birthday, when he knew Al was there and that he "wouldn't talk to me" wasn't a good indicator that they're looking for my best interest, they were more thinking of their own fun and entertainment. I even texted him directly asking for space, I didn't want to say that I'm cutting him out, incase he proves himself, but I most likely will. I don't want any relation with anyone that is still friends with that human being and hanging out with him and partying while I'm here stuck in my own darkness. Ham has been supportive and is affirming that I shouldn't go out with him or drink, but he's been out with him this week, so I'm not sure if I really will continue that friendship, even though he told me that they're not close friends. I'll see if I can have a talk with him and whether I should cut him out or not. Same goes to his best friend, there's no reason for us to keep talking, it was probably just based on Al's best interest, cause i haven't heard from her since we've officially broken up, so there's point in forming a fake friendship.

If they still find him decent person after everything that he did, and showed no support to what I've been going through in the past few weeks, I want nothing to do with any of them. I'm actually thinking of taking the rest of the semester off while they're thinking of their next party, I've had it. everyone's who's been calling and showing up at my door stays, the rest are not necessary.