the roller coaster of today. the anger and frustration of him contacting me after what he did, and acting all nice about inviting me to hang out with his friends, as if I need them. do i have no dignity that he expected me to show up in front of his friends after what he did to me? and how i "shouldn't be alone", for the past few days, my real friends were the ones who kept showing up at my door, just because i didn't want to go out, doesn't mean i have no friends.
I've been going through a detox list in my head with all the "friends" that I have, what most of these people care about is their fun. they do not give a shit about me. Even Ab, no shits given. if i had the weed and the parties, they would've all showed up. and Al's best friend, will remain his best friend, there's no need for me to chat with her about my feelings, we will not be friends, all that group, those "mutual friends" will always choose him, and are actually his friends and i'm the "gf" or the ex or whatever.
my people are here, and i'm going to get through this, i ended up having a good day with my roommate as she tried to cheer me up, she took me out and then we watched random shit together and talked. she kept asking me when we should start planning my birthday, but honestly, nobody's going to show up if i do so i won't. the people i'm close with are religious, and the people that drink are bullshit, there's probably only one or two. so that's just sad. I didn't wanna say that to her so i said i'll decide later. i know all my religious friends are going to do something, but the rest.. I'm pretty sure it's 3 people max.
Time to get rid of this toxic group that cares about nothing but parties. I need my own people, I've two new girlfriends anyway, so maybe that'll work out.
I'm glad my roommate was around today, she's very warm.
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