I need to set my priorities straight for now on. I actually put my own safety and dignity aside for this boy. This selfish little boy who showed zero respect when things got bad, who's only there when I'm good and perky or mildly upset, but when it comes to anything with responsibility he just dismissed me. I shouldve reported him when the psychiatrist encouraged me to do it. But I thought of his mother and I didn't wanna stoop as low as he did. I finally started responding to people. His bestfriend kept texting me for a while with long texts of motivation so I decided to finally respond, I didn't want to talk about the physical side out of respect but I told her she could ask. Today I wake up to the doorbell and there she was with ice cream. It was a very sweet gesture and she told me I need to cut him out of my life. My problem is that I've been weak, and feel the need to have him around coz he's the only or one of the few people that I can share whatever problems I have. But what is this benefit based relationship done but break Me and now take a part of me that I can't have back anymore. It wasn't bad enough that he tried to force himself on me, at some point he said "is this what Mo did to you?" I've heard of self destructive before, but that sounds like deviant manipulation and a way to purposely break my spirits. We all get drunk and do stupid stuff, but to use someone's biggest weakness against them is inhumane. I need to surround myself with my support circle and love myself better. Everyone keeps offering me ice cream which is cute. I made her and Ab promise me he won't contact me again, and I blocked his number on WhatsApp and phonecalls. So It's done. He can't contact me and It's time to move on. Sure it hurts coz there's the good times, but I'm pretty sure I'm gonna find someone better, when I feel good I'll start working out again and feeling right, I'll be studying for steps. I'm gonna be looking hotter and being smarter and when the time comes, my future partner is gonna be matching me and he's gonna see it and understand what he lost. you're gonna regret this, because you know you discarded a gem and abused me. I hope he never finds peace with what he did, and I will not give him a chance to ever apologize to me, coz his words never meant anything, almost 2 years with all the bullshit talk of chasing me, I'm done with that. Someday he's gonna meet someone else and totally forget about me, and obviously talk about how horrible I am and how he was so nice yet I was so dramatic about a "drunken night" and sure they'll fall inlove and have kids, but when that daughter grows up and goes through these situations, maybe then he'll understand what's it like when you tear a peace from another human and don't ever bother showing up at their door for an apology because you wanted to hang out with your friend. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. You inconsiderate sex crazed objectifying bastard with all your bullshit feminism that was only to get my pants you fucking peace of shit. I am so torn by how he acts so nice when I'm ok then gives me a "hope you're ok" after all this. I should've just died that night. Just thinking about it enrages me. Now I'm mad that I'm alive when I remembered that night. I need to focus on what his friend said. I need to focus. I need to let my friends in. Im not gonna that I hope you die, because I'm not like you, but I hope you never find happiness after using my body, you sick "person".
posted from Bloggeroid
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