I wake up and all I can think of is "suck me dick", that scene keeps replaying in my head, how can someone be so consumed with sex even while they were hurting me? he always said that i'm more than just sex, but i never thought that someone i trusted and cherish could degrade me to that extent.
obviously this won't change anything for him, he'll still have his friends, he'll still be loved and he won't overthink it because he wasn't the one being violated. And i'm obviously going to lose my friends because they're also his friends and they'd rather go out with him, just like what happened last time we broke up, I'm alone again. isn't that just perfect?
I was so enraged and said the most psychotic things to him about stabbing him and smashing his face and I still don't think that was 1% of how I was hurt.
"Suck my dick"
what the fuck is wrong with me? why do i place my happiness in a boy's hands? im so disgusted with myself, im so fucking needy and pathetic, i've never hated myself so much. I wish my roommate never found me, and now i dont have anything to do it, if i could just stab myself and be sure i'd be dead.
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