25/4/14

I am going out of mind mind. Hoodie Allen acoustic songs in the background, in this dark bedroom and the window open to get some air. the temperature keeps raising and I am more agitated and hopeless by the day. on one said there's him just being a child, being nice, asking me out, being mean. Dude, if you wish you had never met me, why are you adding to the pressure I'm under? Why can't guys be nice for the sake of being nice to me and enjoying my company, it just has to be a relationship. just like that dumbass doctor, if i reject you, stop being nice to ask me out over, and over again.

And then those "friends" that come and complain that I cut them off, while they're hanging out with him when in town instead of me. Childish? I remember back when my ex cheated on me and my best friend gave out to him and lost respect for him after what he's done, he didn't punch him in the face, but i really respected that. so stop bitching.

I want to think of the happy times, and focus on that. Like date night with my bestie a few days ago where she was very spontaneous and took me out to the beach all dressed up for Lobster where we pretended to be fancy. or dancing with Stelios parents while taking shots of lemon liquor. having a whole break from my actual vacation to lay down with shay in bed and talk about life.


This shithole of a place is sucking me dry. I mean, what am I supposed to do with my parents situation? I have to go back home at some point and face my issues. is this what Karma is? me thinking of my own happiness in the beginning of the year is also the cause of my anxiety? but i have been stressed every time i go back home and having to put on the headscarf again. how can i make things fine? and when am i gonna start studying for my finals. what about elective? why the fuck am i not in the gym?
I sleep, wake up, lay in bed, sleep and the cycle goes on. Also there's the occasional food that i have no appetite for. watching all those dumbass shows instead of reading all those novels i've got. haven't seen my therapist in ages. i just feel stuck. i know what i'm supposed to do, i just need to fucking do it.


"We should take a walk someday, dream about what could've been"

I should've really smoked up a little today, i'm technically a stoner without the drugs.

I cannot do this. I need me a drink.